Content Warning: If you have more than one brain cell and noticed the pattern’s name, you could probably guess what this warning is about. If you’re the kind of person that habitually asks to speak to the manager, you should turn the f**k around now. This pattern ain’t for you.
Look, let’s be honest - there’s a lot of tote bag patterns out there. Why get another one? F**k if I know. I don’t control your finances and poor life choices. I’m not your real dad. No one asked for this, but I’ve made it anyway. Why? Because I got so damn tired of people whining about tOtE bAg pAtTeRnS bEiNg StOlEn. No one’s stealing patterns. It’s just that there’s only so many ways you can make a tote bag. That said, this is a real pattern, and you may even learn some new ways to construct bags.
This absolutely fabulous, yet unnecessary, tote bag pattern has a recessed zipper, interior pockets, a center divider panel, and a bucket bottom. That means it won’t tip over and spill your vodka flask in the middle of PTA meetings. Pretty huge benefit, IMHO.
Your purchase includes the digital pattern and my eternal love. That’s kind of priceless. The downloadable PDF includes all pattern pieces and fully illustrated instructions on how to construct the bag. It’s also funny as f**k. Note that this pattern is for advanced beginner sewists who have experience with bag making and a high tolerance for my weird ass personality.
I offer acrylic templates for this stupid f**king bag here: https://fiercekitten.com/collections/sewing-tools/products/another-f-king-tote-bag-acrylic-template
*** This is not a listing for a finished product! Given the digital nature of the product, there are also no refunds on purchases. Don’t be an asshole and email me when you skipped past the warning and can’t handle the language. You will have 24 hours to download the pattern after purchase. Please make sure to back up your downloaded PDF file or else I’ll send a Krakaren after you. ***
Dimensions:
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11” Tall
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9” Wide
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5.5” Deep
Materials and Supplies:
- 1/2 yd exterior fabric
- 1/2 yd lining fabric
- 1.5 yd woven interfacing (assuming 18” wide)
- 1 yd foam interfacing (optional)
- 12" x 6" of stabilizer (Peltex or Decovil I)
- 1 x 12" #5 zipper (main bag opening)
- 2yds of 1.5" webbing for the straps
- 10 medium (9mm) double cap rivets
- Double-sided leather tape (1/4” and/or 1/2”)
- 1yd 5/8" foldover elastic or 1" single-fold bias tape (if using the binding method)
- Small stapler
- Optional Crossbody Strap Materials:
- 2x 1.5” d-rings
- 2x 1.5” swivel hooks
- 1x 1.5" adjustable slider
